Gonna Make A Change-Michael Jackson,

I'm most proud of the blessings that God has bestowed upon me, in my life. He's given me the vision to truly see that you can fall down, but you can still get back up. Hopefully I'll learn from my mistakes and have the opportunity to strengthen and improve the next thing I do. Martin Lawrence

Today was an okay day nobody in THIS HOUSE bothered me . . . I made a few calls and answered a few questions that I am hoping changes my future for the best. Tonight my mom tried to start problems with me and talk about my health . . . It's frustrating when you do the best you can for someone and they want more . . . You can give a person an arm, leg, and hand then they'll turn around and want your whole f*cking body. I'm not even going to let this get to me I need to cling on to god more and pray to him silently and aloud when someone is coming for me.

I need to remind myself just as much as god loves everyone else he loves me the same way . . . If I had more faith and prayed hard for other people to be blessed for myself I believe I would be okay. I'm sick and tired of being critical of everything I do, trying to take more than I'm willing to give, speaking bad on my name, speaking bad on my parenting, and just trying to break me down because they feel broken inside. 

As bad as I want to blast someone and throw dirt on people name like they do me. I can never do that especially if I want to get blessed and be placed in a better position in life. I just need to learn how to tune people out more and not bother to respond no matter how hard they are looking for a reaction.

I'm never going to feel bad for doing what is best for me and my son no matter how bad someone tries to make me feel. I do not owe anyone an explanation but myself, my son, and God.

ETA:I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS YA'LL JUST PRAY FOR ME AND DROP OFF SOME ENCOURAGING WORDS IF YOU CAN GOD BLESS US ALL. . . 

xoxo,

Writing Therapy

There is no need to stress over what is. Focus on the blessing in the lesson❣:.❤:.❣:.♥:.♡!*❣:.❤:.❣:.♥:.♡!*❣:.❤:.❣:.♥:.♡!*❣:.❤:.❣:.♥:.♡!*

Mood:It don't seem easy soul searching....
Song:Tears of Blood x K-Hyph(rIP)

Today was really a rough day for me . . . At least the weather was to my liking. I don't understand why God hasn't answered my prayer yet every night & morning I'm asking for

• Financial Stability.
• A place to call my own.
• Get my own car.
• Never have to ask people that let me down or disrespected me for HELP ever again.

I know some people are grateful they have a mom and the ones who lost their moms wish to bring her back. I try to love & respect mines but it's hard when she's 

• Disrespecting Me.
• Always asking for $$$ .
• Hitting below the belt.
• Saying no man will ever want me

And when I do defend myself against verbal abuse I'm the disrespectful/hated one. It's hard to deal with that every other day and trying to respect someone like that. I just want to be gone before my own child thinks it's okay to talk to me like that. 

I hope all the adversities I am going through will benefit me in the end.

I wish a blessing would fall out the sky the town that I am in is driving me crazy. I feel like I'm going to be stuck here forever & that's a nightmare within itself. I wish I could be happy for a day or two I want to be the best I can be for myself & my son. I wish I had someone to lean on during times like this. 

I'm thankful that my son & I have a roof over our head and Yes...I know it can get worse I want it to get better before it can get to that point. Last year was tough I hope this year does not repeat itself. I know I have my son as long as he's okay I'm okay I just wish I could offer us a better life so he don't have to see me sad like this. 

***If Ruby Slippers could make your dreams come true I would buy me more than one pair***

ETA:KEVIN NEVER TEXTED BACK OR CALLED. IT DOESN'T TAKE A ROCKET SCIENTIST TO SEE HE'S NOT INTERESTED. I WISH HIM THE BEST THOUGH HIM FLIRTING WITH ME SURE DID BRIGHTEN MY DAY.

anyways goodnight it's so good to get this off my chest I hope my day is happier thank-you for tuning in pray for me

Better alone than badly accompanied.

Hurricane Chris x Boxie = Players Rock

Goodmorning,
It's a no go for me and James . . . All he wanted to do was talk about sex -__- I knew that gentleman shit was just an act . . . That's the thing I hate about online dating these dudes actually lie about who they are and it's arrogating just be real so we don't waste each other time. . . He got angry and aggressive for no reason then didn't text back . . . So I deleted that number and slid to the left on that ass. This is why I'll never take these dating Apps serious I'm only on there to get my ego stroked and get a laugh here and there. So as luck or coincidence would have it I went to Urgent Care for my health concerns and this white guy who has an accent like Matthew McConaughey, nice ass, and bald head like Eminem with a few tattoos. 

So I get to the back to get weighed and asked when my last period the usually embarrassing questions. He seen the ring on my finger and asked was I married
Me:Nope
Him:So it's okay for me to flirt with you?
Me: ***smiling*** Yes 
Him:Guess how old I am?
Me: ***still smiling*** 26
Him:Nope . . . . 34
Me:Oh wow you and my mother are close in age 
Him:So your mom started early? nothing wrong with that 
Me:Yeah
He said some other sh*t I could not remember as we walked to other room I do remember him saying "I'm going to leave my number here & hopefully you'll leave yours too" then he walked out. I swear his game was smooth I didn't have a pen so I had to go in the hallway to ask him for a pen. At home I could not wait to hear from him he texted me around to asking me if I was okay. I snooped on him on Facebook I searched him up by his number it kind of looked like an Arian Brother Hood member with a banner that said "Support Your Local White Boy". 

When he texted me back I asked him what time h got off work so I could ask him some questions he told me 5:30 and to call him. I'm not too keen on calling people so when 5:30 I told him to call me he did sometime later. He's 5'9 , can't cook but can read a recipe bruh . . . Then I asked him the million dollar question "Are you racist?" this dude hit me with a few cuss words and was like how can I be racist if I asked for your number . . . I'm like it's possible you can like the women but not like the people. . . He was like I'm racist against stupidity and ignorance not even on the phone for 5 minutes before he said he gonna text me when he get home or in the morning. . . 

I'm over like 
I said okay and let it go it's 11:39am over here & I still haven't heard from dude . . . It sucks because I never been with a white man or black man so I wanted to try something new just to say I did it. He' not my type fully ! my plan was just to get to know him and get some birthday d*ck but the way it's going I could've offended him with the race question oh well you never know. . . Anyways if something else goes differently I'll keep you updated I want this to work in my favor because everyone in this town ugly as fuck and it's been forever since I got some !!!! 

I always wanted a white boy so if he's not the one I'm going to keep looking or wait until they find me like this one did 

***Gemini∞Gemini***

Nicki Minaj-x-Ariana Grande=Get On Your Knees

When she apologizes for being hard to love,

do not say “it’s okay”.

Tell her that loving her is like breathing

and without her you are drowning,

but you wouldn’t want it any other way.

So I been interacting with this guy I met on this dating site as much as I hate talking and letting people in I get lonely sometimes. And conversations with someone older than my son and siblings is refreshing. During texting, he seemed so deep in real he even put me on game about a new flower Chocolate Cosmo which I'm not obsessed with (thanks, James !). 

• He's a site for the eyes 😍. 
• We're both Gemini's my birthday is two days after his so this should be interesting if we make it past the talking stage.
• He's shorter than what I like 5'11 as long as he's taller than me that's a plus.
• His mother died when he was young so he never really had a real birthday since then :( **sad**
• He's determined for a better life :)
• He's not no hoodlum
• He does not come off as a pervert like the rest of those guys on that site  

*******************************************************Okay those are his good qualities that I like so let me list the bad ones since while they're still fresh in my head.

• He does not have a steady income 
• He lives at his grandmother's house with his uncle, her boyfriend and their 8 dogs sleeping on the couch (I never been with a guy did not have his own)
• He can be contradicting at times one minute he says he wants a real woman a Queen to match his King but, the last time he had sex was a month ago yet you ready for something real. -_-
• His body count is higher than mines 
• He smokes & drink (I stopped)

I liked the conversations we had during text but now that we are on the phone I feel like he's putting on a front :/ . . . I in love with the idea of love & I can't be with a guy who's fronting just to get some coochie. I live like 3 hours away from him so if we do get serious how we gonna make it work on a physical level. I'm all for a long distance relationship especially if it's beneficial to me and my needs. I am not really trying to get my hopes up because these days men don't like to put in the effort. . . He say's he is a gentleman we'll see about that. . . 

To be honest, I'm taking everything he says with a grain of salt he says he loves GOD but doesn't go to church. If his partner wanted him to stop smoking and drinking he would have to bend the rules. Come on now bro ! are you kidding . . . To be Gemini's we really do not seem to have much in common maybe I'm speaking too soon but IDC I don't want to waste my time  I'm just looking for 

Murray to my Dionne 

People Change & So Does Situations

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Through It All Be Grateful

Long Time, 

No, write (well not on here at least)

I am having such a crappy day but through it all, I keep telling myself it can get worse and all my adversities will come to an end. Being depressed drains my energy and does nothing for me mentally. As a mother, I have to stay strong and be able to handle every adversity. I can't get help from anyone so I will keep my eye on god and pray for better days. The battle is not over and God will have the last say and my haters will not get in my way.

(to be continued)