Chocolate Aries

Tamar-X-Future:Let Me Know

Mood:Am I crazy for feeling this way?

I think I’ve always been half out of my shell and half in. Sometimes I can be extremely wild and sometimes I can be extremely shy. It just depends on the person I’m with.

So me and the guy from (it all started with a Facebook friend request) are back on speaking terms. I'm glad he didn't know I was mad at him I think it's only right I give him a nickname for my blog(s) I'm just going to call him Chocolate Aries or Aries for short since his birthday is in April. I've always mixed well with Aries on a friendship level. We text all the damn time the 3 things that suck is:

1)We are in different time zones

2)He lives far

3)I'm always wondering how long will we be friends until he moves on.

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I feel a platonic relationship beginning to form. I think we can be like Tupac & Jada (including sex till this day I think 2pac & Jada got busy in them sheets...lol). I wish we could video chat more Puberty has really been good to this guy with his short ass (lol ). My birthday is next month I hope he messages me something sweet just so I can see if he really cares. I'm not saying I love the guy or have feelings for him he's just a breath of fresh air it's not everyday you meet someone you can actually talk about anything with from sex, life, food, and politics.

I'm not going to put a label on things. Or tell him how I feel. I just want to know more about him than him knowing more about me. I have a strong feeling if he flew me out to see him I would go and when I get my own place I'll probably invite him out to see me. Just when I counted all black men out one cut from a different cloth comes to find me isn't it funny how life works out.

I'm not even pressed for a relationship , I just long for someone who's different & give me a reason to believe not all guys are the same. I hope I'm not setting myself up to get let down again. I want to experience something real & I would like God to lead me in the right direction regarding this decision. I hope I'm not crazy for feeling this way & maybe as time goes on and I have the guts to ask him how he feels about me the feeling will be mutual so I don't feel crazy or stupid. He's a real decent guy & I hope he's being genuine so my pending feelings aren't fake and meaningless. I don't have a problem with moving slow especially with my pending feelings on the line. I feel kind of strange just by liking over little communication, that is why I haven't told anyone this besides you (whoever is reading this). I had platonic guy friendships in the past but they meant nothing compared to this pending one. He's older than me so I imagine he's in tune with his feelings I always ask him questions to get a better understanding of him or see what type of guy I am dealing with I'm pleased he answers them without hesitation or even wondering why I'm asking. 

At times,  feel like a little girl or too over the wall while texting him. But he seems cool about it I come off as a self-assured woman during our text but in reality, when his name comes up on my screen I get butterflies and an instant smile on my face I'm always trying to find new things to talk about because I don't want the conversation to end. God, I feel so stupid for writing this but I have too just incase I never feel like this again. Sometimes I wish I had girlfriends so they could give me advise me if what I'm feeling is just crazy or normal. I already know what I would like to gain from this situation/friendship

• Honesty
• Commitment 
• Understanding
• Effort
• Love
• Something New

and even If I can't get that I would like for us to remain friends. He's not like the other guys he's not going to tell me what I want to hear. He's just being real and I appreciate that. For the time being, we are just friends who have a mutual attraction to each other. I wish I could pick his brain just to see what he wants to gain from talking to me I'm too afraid to ask because what if what he has to say is not what I want to hear. I'm just going to keep my feelings to myself that way I have a less chance of getting hurt...

xoxo,

Ya Girl Sample of our conversations ignore his label in my phone (lol)

***Gemini∞Gemini***

Nicki Minaj-x-Ariana Grande=Get On Your Knees

When she apologizes for being hard to love,

do not say “it’s okay”.

Tell her that loving her is like breathing

and without her you are drowning,

but you wouldn’t want it any other way.

So I been interacting with this guy I met on this dating site as much as I hate talking and letting people in I get lonely sometimes. And conversations with someone older than my son and siblings is refreshing. During texting, he seemed so deep in real he even put me on game about a new flower Chocolate Cosmo which I'm not obsessed with (thanks, James !). 

• He's a site for the eyes 😍. 
• We're both Gemini's my birthday is two days after his so this should be interesting if we make it past the talking stage.
• He's shorter than what I like 5'11 as long as he's taller than me that's a plus.
• His mother died when he was young so he never really had a real birthday since then :( **sad**
• He's determined for a better life :)
• He's not no hoodlum
• He does not come off as a pervert like the rest of those guys on that site  

*******************************************************Okay those are his good qualities that I like so let me list the bad ones since while they're still fresh in my head.

• He does not have a steady income 
• He lives at his grandmother's house with his uncle, her boyfriend and their 8 dogs sleeping on the couch (I never been with a guy did not have his own)
• He can be contradicting at times one minute he says he wants a real woman a Queen to match his King but, the last time he had sex was a month ago yet you ready for something real. -_-
• His body count is higher than mines 
• He smokes & drink (I stopped)

I liked the conversations we had during text but now that we are on the phone I feel like he's putting on a front :/ . . . I in love with the idea of love & I can't be with a guy who's fronting just to get some coochie. I live like 3 hours away from him so if we do get serious how we gonna make it work on a physical level. I'm all for a long distance relationship especially if it's beneficial to me and my needs. I am not really trying to get my hopes up because these days men don't like to put in the effort. . . He say's he is a gentleman we'll see about that. . . 

To be honest, I'm taking everything he says with a grain of salt he says he loves GOD but doesn't go to church. If his partner wanted him to stop smoking and drinking he would have to bend the rules. Come on now bro ! are you kidding . . . To be Gemini's we really do not seem to have much in common maybe I'm speaking too soon but IDC I don't want to waste my time  I'm just looking for 

Murray to my Dionne