Chocolate Aries

Tamar-X-Future:Let Me Know

Mood:Am I crazy for feeling this way?

I think I’ve always been half out of my shell and half in. Sometimes I can be extremely wild and sometimes I can be extremely shy. It just depends on the person I’m with.

So me and the guy from (it all started with a Facebook friend request) are back on speaking terms. I'm glad he didn't know I was mad at him I think it's only right I give him a nickname for my blog(s) I'm just going to call him Chocolate Aries or Aries for short since his birthday is in April. I've always mixed well with Aries on a friendship level. We text all the damn time the 3 things that suck is:

1)We are in different time zones

2)He lives far

3)I'm always wondering how long will we be friends until he moves on.

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I feel a platonic relationship beginning to form. I think we can be like Tupac & Jada (including sex till this day I think 2pac & Jada got busy in them sheets...lol). I wish we could video chat more Puberty has really been good to this guy with his short ass (lol ). My birthday is next month I hope he messages me something sweet just so I can see if he really cares. I'm not saying I love the guy or have feelings for him he's just a breath of fresh air it's not everyday you meet someone you can actually talk about anything with from sex, life, food, and politics.

I'm not going to put a label on things. Or tell him how I feel. I just want to know more about him than him knowing more about me. I have a strong feeling if he flew me out to see him I would go and when I get my own place I'll probably invite him out to see me. Just when I counted all black men out one cut from a different cloth comes to find me isn't it funny how life works out.

I'm not even pressed for a relationship , I just long for someone who's different & give me a reason to believe not all guys are the same. I hope I'm not setting myself up to get let down again. I want to experience something real & I would like God to lead me in the right direction regarding this decision. I hope I'm not crazy for feeling this way & maybe as time goes on and I have the guts to ask him how he feels about me the feeling will be mutual so I don't feel crazy or stupid. He's a real decent guy & I hope he's being genuine so my pending feelings aren't fake and meaningless. I don't have a problem with moving slow especially with my pending feelings on the line. I feel kind of strange just by liking over little communication, that is why I haven't told anyone this besides you (whoever is reading this). I had platonic guy friendships in the past but they meant nothing compared to this pending one. He's older than me so I imagine he's in tune with his feelings I always ask him questions to get a better understanding of him or see what type of guy I am dealing with I'm pleased he answers them without hesitation or even wondering why I'm asking. 

At times,  feel like a little girl or too over the wall while texting him. But he seems cool about it I come off as a self-assured woman during our text but in reality, when his name comes up on my screen I get butterflies and an instant smile on my face I'm always trying to find new things to talk about because I don't want the conversation to end. God, I feel so stupid for writing this but I have too just incase I never feel like this again. Sometimes I wish I had girlfriends so they could give me advise me if what I'm feeling is just crazy or normal. I already know what I would like to gain from this situation/friendship

• Honesty
• Commitment 
• Understanding
• Effort
• Love
• Something New

and even If I can't get that I would like for us to remain friends. He's not like the other guys he's not going to tell me what I want to hear. He's just being real and I appreciate that. For the time being, we are just friends who have a mutual attraction to each other. I wish I could pick his brain just to see what he wants to gain from talking to me I'm too afraid to ask because what if what he has to say is not what I want to hear. I'm just going to keep my feelings to myself that way I have a less chance of getting hurt...

xoxo,

Ya Girl Sample of our conversations ignore his label in my phone (lol)