***

I don't know where to begin so much has happened since the last blog, I'm having another boy I give up on my dreams of having a baby girl :/ *it is what it is*. I'm due in 6 weeks I'm trying my best to make a way for me and my kids the father is selfish, not involved, and doesn't know what the hell he wants to do. I've been battling depression, financial woes, and sadness during this pregnancy is trying to weigh me down.. It's like I can only depend on myself and the lord I pray he brings me out of this & open up doors . . . There's so much I want to write but I'm just to hurt, angry, and irritated to put it into words . . . I pray my next entry is better than this one . . . 

One Love <3 , Pray for me ,

Bring It All Together Oh Lord

Tryna live by faith & not by frustration

Hey , 

it's been forever there is so much I want to say but I do not know if I can put it all into words. 
1)I'm pregnant 12 weeks as of today ; I still cannot believe it myself. I'm not ready for another baby at all I never thought I could love another besides my son but I WILL have TOO ! since I'm keeping it. 
------------------------------------------------------------
2)I'm not living with my mom but I'm not living in a better place either so I'm looking for a nice little apartment for me and the kids to live in for the meantime, then afterward(s) get on and out of California. I don't have any help here so I would like to just get on my own two feet start over , do better for me and my kids.
----------------------------------------------------------------
3)The dad is happy . . . but I know for a fact that it is not going to work out for us this pregnancy was a complete accident !!! He does not have my back , cannot be trusted, and just does not seem to be making it a priority to get us a place together this baby is not going to wait on us to get our shit together so why should I . . . . 
I wish I could just skip this part of my life and have a perfect or better than what I have reality like my girl Carrie Bradshaw -or- Terri Van Adams....But better days come when they want to not overnight right. Besides me freaking out about this . . . Wishing I had emotional support from my mom but I don't .... sometimes I wonder if I came from a two-parent home would I still be going through the same shit I 'm going through with family. 
I promise I WILL NOT BE THE PARENT TO WHERE MY KIDS THINK I'M NOT THERE FOR THEM.... 

On a brighter side ,I am looking forward to putting Kayden in school when we get settled. He's too smart to be home with me he's my first born so I want him to excel at everything in L.I.f.e. 
I still cannot believe I'm pregnant maybe it will all feel real to me when I feel those little baby kicks. 

Anyways , not going to take up to much of anyone's time please keep me and my babies in prayer hopefully when I'm back on here it'll be good news.

Writing Therapy

There is no need to stress over what is. Focus on the blessing in the lesson❣:.❤:.❣:.♥:.♡!*❣:.❤:.❣:.♥:.♡!*❣:.❤:.❣:.♥:.♡!*❣:.❤:.❣:.♥:.♡!*

Mood:It don't seem easy soul searching....
Song:Tears of Blood x K-Hyph(rIP)

Today was really a rough day for me . . . At least the weather was to my liking. I don't understand why God hasn't answered my prayer yet every night & morning I'm asking for

• Financial Stability.
• A place to call my own.
• Get my own car.
• Never have to ask people that let me down or disrespected me for HELP ever again.

I know some people are grateful they have a mom and the ones who lost their moms wish to bring her back. I try to love & respect mines but it's hard when she's 

• Disrespecting Me.
• Always asking for $$$ .
• Hitting below the belt.
• Saying no man will ever want me

And when I do defend myself against verbal abuse I'm the disrespectful/hated one. It's hard to deal with that every other day and trying to respect someone like that. I just want to be gone before my own child thinks it's okay to talk to me like that. 

I hope all the adversities I am going through will benefit me in the end.

I wish a blessing would fall out the sky the town that I am in is driving me crazy. I feel like I'm going to be stuck here forever & that's a nightmare within itself. I wish I could be happy for a day or two I want to be the best I can be for myself & my son. I wish I had someone to lean on during times like this. 

I'm thankful that my son & I have a roof over our head and Yes...I know it can get worse I want it to get better before it can get to that point. Last year was tough I hope this year does not repeat itself. I know I have my son as long as he's okay I'm okay I just wish I could offer us a better life so he don't have to see me sad like this. 

***If Ruby Slippers could make your dreams come true I would buy me more than one pair***

ETA:KEVIN NEVER TEXTED BACK OR CALLED. IT DOESN'T TAKE A ROCKET SCIENTIST TO SEE HE'S NOT INTERESTED. I WISH HIM THE BEST THOUGH HIM FLIRTING WITH ME SURE DID BRIGHTEN MY DAY.

anyways goodnight it's so good to get this off my chest I hope my day is happier thank-you for tuning in pray for me